Summer holidays reveal unspoken needs, says psychologist

Unmet expectations can turn a summer holiday into a source of disappointment or even exhaustion, according to psychologist and author Pekka Tölli.

Speaking to Yle, Tölli noted that many people suppress their own needs, only to find that unspoken hopes lead to frustration when reality fails to match them. He advised open discussion with partners, family, or friends before the holiday to align expectations.

Individual preferences vary widely: some crave spontaneity, others structure. Without clear communication, even small mismatches can cause irritation, Tölli said. He also warned against assuming one knows the feelings or needs of others, even in long-standing relationships.

Hidden agreements—unspoken expectations of reciprocity—often create tension. Tölli recommended negotiating compromises and, where possible, rotating traditional holiday roles to refresh routines.

Recovery is personal, he added. Some recharge in a few days, others need weeks. Research shows the benefits of even long holidays can fade quickly, particularly for those in high-stress situations who neglect their own needs.

Tölli’s latest book, Miten olla minä (How to Be Oneself), published this spring, explores the tensions of individuality.