Iraqi trip leads to trauma for Finnish girl as she shares her story

Lilian shares her story for the first time, now that both her father and uncle have passed away. It began when she was just 13 years old, starting her seventh-grade year in school. Her father suggested they take a trip to Iraq together.

Lilian did not know her Iraqi relatives well, having lived in Finland since early childhood and speaking little Arabic. However, the trip appealed to her due to recent conflicts with her mother. On the drive from Baghdad to southern Iraq, she fell asleep in her father’s arms. “I remember how he hugged me. That was the last time I trusted him,” Lilian recalls, sharing her story anonymously out of fear of her family’s and community’s reactions.

Upon arrival, Lilian was left at her uncle’s farm, expecting her father to return. Gradually, the harsh reality dawned on her that he would not come back. “They had agreed to trick me into going there. I thought it would be a short summer break, but it was not.”

Each year, many children are sent abroad from Finland on what are termed “disciplinary trips,” often by immigrant parents concerned about their children’s behavior. These journeys sometimes last weeks, months, or even years, and the exact number of cases remains undocumented.

Recent research reveals that concerns about family honor often motivate these trips, especially for girls. Many parents feel unsupported by Finnish authorities and believe the local approach to parenting is too permissive.

Lilian’s parents sent her to Iraq fearing she might lose her virginity, leading to significant trauma. She eventually became pregnant and was married off to an older cousin. After her health deteriorated, her family permitted her to return to Finland to give birth. Today, she lives in Finland with her children, still grappling with the trauma of her past.