The equal handshake signals respect, body language expert says

The best handshake is firm, balanced and vertical, signalling equality between the people involved, body language expert Niels Krøjgaard tells DR. The handshake has returned to the spotlight after Danmarksdemokraterne proposed that upper-secondary students shake hands with a member of the school leadership of the opposite sex on their first day.

The proposal is partly intended to combat social control and what has been described as a culture of dominance at some upper-secondary schools.

Krøjgaard, a body language expert and lecturer who has worked with the Danish National Police and the Danish Security and Intelligence Service on reading body language, says a handshake can send several signals.

How to give a good handshake

Stand upright and face the other person. Keep your shoulders directed towards them and make brief eye contact before reaching out your hand.

Extend your hand while you are still about an arm’s length away, so the other person can clearly see that you want to shake hands and has time to respond.

Keep your hand vertical, with the palm facing neither upwards nor downwards. A palm facing upwards can signal submissiveness, while holding the back of the hand too far upwards can appear dominant.

Take hold of the whole hand. Bring your hand forward so that the palms meet fully, and close your fingers around the other person’s hand rather than gripping only the fingertips.

Use firm but balanced pressure. Avoid both the limp handshake, which Krøjgaard calls the “dishcloth”, and an excessively hard, crushing grip. Shake two or three times in short, calm movements, then release the grip. A handshake should typically last two to three seconds.

Smile and maintain eye contact during the handshake. Krøjgaard says this has as much importance for the impression made as the handshake itself.

When a handshake goes wrong

Many people have experienced having the blood squeezed from their hand by someone who believes that a firm handshake is about seeing who can grip hardest.

There is also the limp “dishcloth” handshake, which Krøjgaard describes as unpleasant because it can make the greeting feel almost pointless.

He advises people not to let their palm face too far upwards, which can signal that they are submissive, or to hold the back of their hand too far upwards, which can make them seem dominant.

A long history

It is difficult to establish exactly when people began shaking hands or what the gesture originally meant. Handshakes are depicted in ancient Greece, but the images do not show what the gesture signified.

One theory is that the handshake developed because most people, including warriors in antiquity, were right-handed. Extending the right, unarmed “sword hand” showed that a person came in peace. It remains uncertain whether the gesture was used as a greeting in the same way it is today.

The first recorded handshake in Denmark appears in Jyske Law from 1241. It describes a handshake as a legally binding way to confirm an agreement. The expression “let us shake hands on it” is still used when making a deal.

Since the 19th century, the handshake has mainly been used as a greeting and as a way to show equality between people. Epidemics, including the Spanish flu, SARS, swine flu and Covid 19, have at times threatened its continued use.

Krøjgaard says a good handshake remains important, for example when a young person greets a master while seeking an apprenticeship. In such situations, he says, the handshake should convey a degree of firmness. His final advice is to look the other person briefly in the eye and smile.