Nanna urges people to stop avoiding conversations about grief

Two in three Danes find it difficult to talk to someone who is grieving, but Nanna Svostrup Clausen says asking about the loss can help, DR reports. She was 13 when her father died of cancer, just two weeks after she started seventh grade.

Her father’s illness lasted only a month and a half. At first, Nanna did not want to talk about his death, and she felt people around her avoided asking about it because they found the subject uncomfortable. That left her feeling she should stay silent, even though she needed to talk about her feelings.

A new survey by Sorgalliancen, which examines grief culture in Denmark, found that half of Danes would like to talk more about death. Nanna’s first piece of advice is to ask how a grieving person is doing. She believes they can say if they would rather not talk.

She also urges people not to change the subject when someone mentions the person who died. Nanna says she would rather know that someone feels awkward and is struggling to find the right words than feel they do not care.

A teacher at her school helped by asking how she was feeling. Nanna says her need to talk about her father did not fade, even as other people gradually asked fewer questions.

She says people can help keep a person’s memory alive by talking about them and showing interest in who they were. Grief can remain years after a death, she says, and time does not erase the longing for her father.

The survey found that 48 percent of Danes want a culture that does more to remember those who have died. Nanna says she saw people in Mexico gather in a cemetery to celebrate the dead, an approach she found beautiful because it focused on celebrating a life rather than mourning it.