Eating disorders leave thousands of siblings without support

Thousands of young people may be left without help when a brother or sister develops an eating disorder, Yle reports. Siblings can take on caring responsibilities, hide their own distress and, in some cases, develop an eating disorder themselves.

The Finnish Eating Disorder Association estimates that the lack of support affects thousands of young people. Public healthcare offers support to parents, but not specific help for siblings, who are also not identified as close relatives in the national care recommendations for eating disorders.

Yle gathered accounts from siblings of children and young people with eating disorders. Although it received few responses, they described lasting fear, strained relationships and siblings’ own problems going unnoticed. Yle verified the respondents’ identities but withheld their names because their accounts concern relatives’ health information.

Siblings can become the invisible children

When a child develops an eating disorder, the illness can demand much of a family’s attention and energy, leaving other children feeling overlooked. One 33-year-old respondent said they had ended up acting as a therapist for their parents. An 18-year-old said they tried to hide their own problems and appear to be a perfect child because they felt their parents had no time for them.

Several respondents said healthcare staff provided information and support to their parents, but did not offer the same to the other children in the family. One said they had wanted advice on how to support their sick sister and what an eating disorder involved. Another said it took months for the family to have its first joint appointment.

Terhi Kanerva, support services coordinator for relatives at the Finnish Eating Disorder Association, describes the pattern as “the invisible child syndrome”. Healthy siblings can be left to cope on their own, she said.

Some take on caring responsibilities

Siblings may conceal their need for help because they do not want to burden their parents, Kanerva said. They may also feel guilty about their own emotions or believe their problems are insignificant compared with the eating disorder. “It is very typical for siblings to want to be good and unobtrusive,” she said.

Some siblings are the first in the family to learn about the illness. Others take responsibility for daily tasks or for caring for the person who is ill. One respondent said they weighed their sister’s food because she did not trust their parents to serve the right amount. Another said they still could not prepare food in their childhood home because it brought back memories of the eating disorder.

Parents may not notice their other children’s distress, or may not have the capacity to address it, Kanerva said. Respondents described tense home lives shaped around the illness, and some said they had wanted to speak with a therapist or psychologist.