Jaakko Mansikkamäki’s silence protected him but burdened his wife

Jaakko Mansikkamäki kept his serious liver disease secret for years, finding that silence helped him cope while leaving his wife, Tuula Hytti, isolated with the strain, Yle reports.

Mansikkamäki, now 35, was diagnosed in autumn 2022. He did not want many people to know, saying that if they were unaware, they would not ask questions. Keeping the illness private helped him feel that it did not define every part of his life.

His condition eventually became difficult to hide. Hytti says he lost more than 40 kilos, was extremely tired and suffered pain. Even after he was admitted to hospital, many people were told only that he had blood poisoning, not the underlying cause.

Hytti was caring for her seriously ill husband and their young children while also keeping track of who knew what. “It was hard to keep a secret on someone else’s behalf,” she says, adding that it took a great deal of energy.

For about the first year, the couple dealt with the illness largely between themselves. They later told Mansikkamäki’s mother and Hytti’s parents. Hytti also confided in a few close friends, while Mansikkamäki’s colleagues did not know the reason for his long absences from work.

The couple had different needs: Mansikkamäki found silence easier, while Hytti needed to talk about what was happening. “It was easier for you, harder for me,” she told him.

Miranda Koskinen, a specialist psychologist in health psychology, says choosing whom to tell and when can give someone with a serious illness a sense of control. But prolonged secrecy can become a burden for a partner, she says, who also needs support and space to process the situation.

Six months after a liver transplant, Mansikkamäki was spending a summer day with his family at Puuhamaa amusement park. He had returned to work and was managing better at home and with the children. After the transplant, more loved ones knew what he had been through and supported the family through his surgery and recovery.

Hytti says their family life is gradually beginning to feel more normal.