North Karelia parents praise non-violent resistance parenting method

Parents of teenagers with severe behavioural difficulties in North Karelia have given a peer-support group teaching non-violent resistance an average rating of 9.5, Yle reports.

The group was organised by the child welfare services of Siun sote, the wellbeing services county of North Karelia. Its central idea was that parents can change their own behaviour, because they cannot control the teenager.

Siun sote trained 80 child welfare workers in the NVR method, becoming the first wellbeing services county in Finland to do so. NVR stands for non-violent resistance.

“I believe things would have gone differently if we had received this kind of help during the most difficult years,” said Anni Miettinen, a parent from Outokumpu who now works as an experience expert.

Miettinen’s family had been involved with child welfare services for a long time because of her child’s severe difficulties during the teenage years. The child had neuropsychiatric challenges and major problems attending school. The family struggled to get help from healthcare services, and the situation eventually led to placements outside the home and, later, the child being taken into care.

The child is now 18. Miettinen wants to help other parents and has her child’s permission to discuss the subject in an interview.

Parents shared their darkest moments

Last spring, Siun sote’s child welfare services established a peer-support group for parents of teenagers with severe symptoms. The group met 12 times and introduced participants to NVR as a parenting approach.

Miettinen was one of the group leaders. The meetings were held in a plain conference room, where both leaders and participants were surprised by the level of trust that developed.

“An unusually strong atmosphere of trust formed in the group,” said Joni Alastalo, a child welfare social counsellor and one of the leaders.

Parents described the first meeting as a release. They took turns explaining their family situations as openly as they wished. The teenagers faced issues including severe neuropsychiatric symptoms, substance use, aggression and other uncontrolled behaviour.

Neuropsychiatric symptoms refer to neuropsychiatric traits or challenges. Typical diagnoses include ADHD and autism spectrum disorders.

“The families had different backgrounds. Teenagers with these symptoms come from all social classes,” Alastalo said.

Many parents had never told anyone about the painful events in their families. Their lives had become dominated by the teenager’s diagnoses and networks of authorities, while the parents felt they had been left without support.

“When we dared to share the darkest moments with one another, the group became very close,” Miettinen said.

Method focuses on safety and connection

In North Karelia, the group combined peer support with practical tools intended to make family life easier.

Alastalo said the NVR parenting method can be adapted for all kinds of families. In his view, it could also be used in schools and day-care centres.

The method focuses on interaction techniques intended to increase safety and connection, including when situations become difficult.

Parents said the topics were important and prompted them to reflect on their own actions. They also reported receiving practical help with parenting and hope for improvement.

Each meeting was rated separately, producing an overall average of 9.5. “When it concerns child welfare, such a rating deserves attention,” Alastalo said.