Large age gaps remain the last taboo in relationships

Large age differences do not necessarily damage relationships, but other people’s attitudes can. Yle reports that couples with a substantial age gap still face prejudice and disapproval.

“The age gap is the last taboo in relationships,” said Anna Rotkirch, a research professor at the Population Research Institute.

Rather than assuming that people are happy together, observers may suspect them of having harmful motives or personal complexes. Public couples have nevertheless helped make large age differences more commonplace.

Harry Harkimo and Jasmine Pajari, who recently married, have a 34 year age gap and have attracted constant media attention. Other public couples include Katri Helena and Tommi Liimatainen, with a 32 year gap; Sauli Niinistö and Jenni Haukio, with a 29 year gap; Sami Yaffa and Meeri Koutaniemi, with a 24 year gap; Pekka Haavisto and Antonio Flores, with a 20 year gap; Bess and Danny Baertelsen, who have a 30 year gap; and Anna Maija Tuokko and Kari Heiskanen, who have a 26 year gap.

Younger generations are more critical

Younger generations are more suspicious of large age gaps than older people, particularly when the man is older than the woman.

Researchers believe this attitude may be linked to the MeToo movement. Members of Generation Z, born in the late 1990s or early 2000s, have grown up at a time when power relations are examined more critically.

If the man is significantly older, his higher social status or greater wealth may leave the younger woman vulnerable. The issue may therefore not be condemnation of age gaps themselves, but sensitivity to a possible imbalance of power, especially when one partner is very young.

Young adults are also driven by hopes of having a family and by the desire to reproduce. People over 50 may view age gaps more casually because they are likely to be at a different stage of life.

Should it be a private matter?

Rotkirch described the disapproving reaction as a striking and powerful phenomenon.

Relationships are now generally accepted as diverse, whether the difference concerns sexual orientation, gender or the number of people involved. Yet people may still openly disapprove when an older man shows interest in women in their twenties.

“But if both people want it and they are adults, should it not be a private matter?” Rotkirch asked.

Researchers are considering whether society is gradually becoming more liberal, or whether younger people are once again leading change with stricter views.

Couples are increasingly close in age

Large age gaps are rare in the statistics. Only 0.4 percent of married or cohabiting couples have an age difference of more than 20 years.

There has been little change in large age gaps over the decades. Markus Rapo of Statistics Finland said the biggest change in recent decades has been the growing share of married and cohabiting couples who are the same age.

The average age difference between couples is 3.4 years, while the median difference is about two years. Age gaps are slightly larger in same sex relationships.

Women are rarely older than their partners

In Western countries, it has become slightly more common for the woman to be the older partner, but it remains unusual. Statistics from 2025 show that the woman is older than the man in 21.8 percent of marriages and cohabiting relationships in Finland.

Relationships in which the woman is older have a slightly higher risk of separation than relationships in which the age difference is reversed.

However, a woman may experience the relationship as more equal when her partner is younger. Women in relationships with younger men are also satisfied with the amount of intimacy.

Rotkirch of Väestöliitto, a population research organisation, said she admired couples with large age differences because they challenge social norms and are strong.

Shared values matter most

A large age gap does not necessarily mean that a relationship will have problems. According to researchers, shared values and interests matter more than age. Good communication is also important, and each partner should take an interest in the other’s life even when they are at different stages of life.