Pihla cuts ties with mother after years of emotional abuse in Finland

Pihla has not spoken to her mother in over two years. When they were in contact, Pihla had to guard herself against her mother’s frequent outbursts and endure constant criticism of her body. “In anger, my mother yelled that I ruined her life and wished I had never been born. After an hour of insults, she would call as if nothing had happened and suggest we do something together. She never apologized,” Pihla recounts. Instead, her mother often emphasized her sacrifices, claiming she had always done her best, while saying children are simply ungrateful.

Pihla, who wishes to remain anonymous for her and her family’s privacy, started therapy six years ago, marking a turning point in her relationship with her mother. The popularity of psychotherapy has surged in Finland over the last decade, with the number of people receiving rehabilitation psychotherapy rising from about 20,000 in 2014 to over 64,000 last year.

Responses from individuals who shared their experiences with Yle detail how therapy has changed their relationships with parents and close ones, often leading to a distancing or complete break. Katriina Järvinen, a psychotherapist and author, identifies various reasons for breakdowns, such as inheritance disputes, parental alcoholism, and forms of emotional abuse, including constant belittling of appearance.

While some individuals found healing and even reconciled with parents through open discussions, others, like Pihla, had to create boundaries or cut ties for their mental well-being. Järvinen notes that breaking off connections should never be taken lightly but might be necessary for one’s mental health. After her therapy, Pihla found an improvement in her quality of life, free from the anxiety of her mother’s unpredictable reactions.