Marriage vows and dependence keep older women in abusive relationships

Older women may remain in abusive relationships for decades because of financial and health dependence, caregiving responsibilities and a sense of duty to their marriage, researcher Eveliina Saarela told Yle.

Saarela, a violence-support worker who completed her doctoral research at the University of Lapland, examined 85 client accounts from Finnish shelters written by women over 65. Some described abuse stretching across their lives, from childhood into relationships that lasted for decades.

Many older women do not tell anyone about the abuse, Saarela said. Those who reach a shelter are “the tip of the iceberg”; some older people do not know shelters exist or believe they are only for families with children.

It is difficult to establish how common intimate partner violence is among older people. A study of abuse of older women conducted about 10 years ago found that a quarter of Finnish women over 60 had experienced abuse or violence. In the 2022 Terve Suomi survey, 4.6 per cent of older women reported physical or psychological violence by someone close to them.

Jenni Krogell, a development manager at the Finnish Institute for Health and Welfare, said younger people report more lifetime intimate partner and sexual violence in population surveys. One possible explanation, she said, is that younger people are better at recognising violence.

Leaving can be difficult for older women who have spent much of their adult lives with a partner and see marriage as a commitment they cannot break. Financial hardship and illness can also make living alone seem frightening, Saarela said.

Some women in shelters are caring for their abusive partners. Saarela said a partner may refuse outside help, leaving the woman to return home because there is no one else to provide care.

Abuse can take different forms. Physical violence may stop when an abusive partner’s health declines, while psychological violence continues. Saarela also found examples of sexual violence and coercive control, including monitoring, jealousy and restrictions on whom a woman could meet or whether she could leave home to attend church.

Prolonged abuse can affect both physical and mental health. Shelter accounts repeatedly described heart rhythm problems, stomach complaints, breathing difficulties and sleep problems. Some women also reported memory lapses.