Use six expert tips to keep conversations flowing

Children and adults alike can struggle to keep a conversation going, experts say. DR reports that a school in Holstebro has added conversation lessons for all its pupils after staff found they had difficulty keeping discussions flowing, even with phones and computers put away.

Adults need help with conversation too, says rhetoric adviser Heidi Jønch-Clausen. She argues that people are talking less, while conversation researcher Jakob Steensig of Aarhus University says screens and the many demands on people’s attention can disrupt conversations.

1. Avoid heavy topics

Small talk, whether by a shop counter or over a garden hedge, acts as “social glue”, Jønch-Clausen says. The point is to be in dialogue, so political or emotionally weighty subjects may be better left out, depending on the situation.

2. Pay attention, especially by listening

A good conversation depends on noticing both what someone says and how they say it, Steensig says. Tone of voice, gestures, facial expressions and timing can convey a person’s feelings, knowledge and position.

3. Ask open questions

Questions beginning with “what” or “how” invite more than a one-word answer. Jønch-Clausen suggests questions such as “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “What have you been doing?”

4. Keep it positive

Starting with complaints about cold coffee, rain or parking can affect the mood, Jønch-Clausen says. Instead of asking a colleague, “Are you busy?”, she suggests asking, “What are you working on?”

5. Share the conversational floor

Experts compare small talk to a tennis match: both people should get a turn. Jønch-Clausen says more talkative people should try to speak less and listen more, while quieter people can practise saying more.

Bonus tip: Consider going deeper

Moving from small talk to a more substantial conversation means paying close attention to feelings, body language, facial expressions and tone, Jønch-Clausen says. If someone describes something as “really great” or “really difficult”, follow up with open questions such as “How?” or “What was going through your mind?” She advises noticing moments when emotions can be heard, seen or felt.