Parents are misunderstanding what is good for children

Parents are increasingly focused on caring for their children while doing less to prepare them for adult life, family counsellor Jóhann Pétur Herbertsson told mbl.is in the Dagmál programme.

“Everyone naturally wants what is best for their children, and fortunately we live in a time when people are very concerned with treating children well,” Jóhann said. “The misunderstanding is probably what is actually good for children, and it may be useful to clarify what the role of parents is.”

He said parents initially have a primary duty to care for their children, who are completely dependent on them at birth and remain so for some time. Their other role is to prepare their children for life, which gradually becomes more important as the need for direct care decreases.

“At the beginning, your role is to care for your child when it cannot do anything itself. Then, around the age of 18, the child should be ready for life, at least ready enough to figure things out independently,” Jóhann said.

He said it had become clear in recent years that parents were caring for their children for longer while doing less to prepare them for life.

His discussion of parenting focused on the need for children to learn to stand on their own feet. Parents should not protect them too much from disappointment, trauma, grief and anger, he said.