Expert warns parents not to rely on children’s online judgment

Children cannot always judge whether contacts on social media are safe, and parents should start discussing online experiences as soon as their child begins using the internet, DR reports. The advice follows a case in which social media played a role in a 15-year-old girl from Hedensted being taken to Hungary.

A Hungarian court said in a press release that a suspected 22-year-old man from Hungary contacted the girl through social media and, with the help of an unidentified accomplice, transported her to Hungary. The court said he had established a relationship with the girl with the intention of later committing sexual offences against her, a practice also known as grooming.

Mia Lind Winther, a psychologist and expert in digital abuse at Red Barnet’s SletDet counselling service, advises parents to talk with their children about what they experience online, who contacts them and what happens on the platforms they use.

“We recommend having the conversation as soon as you have decided that your child should go online,” she said. The aim is to make discussions about online experiences a natural part of conversations between parents and children, she added.

Red Barnet’s own studies show that two out of three children and young people aged between nine and 17 experience something uncomfortable or directly abusive online during a year.

Winther said parents should be cautious about relying solely on their child’s judgment. Digital platforms make it easier for adults to learn about children’s interests and gain direct access to the communities they are part of. Adults can also present themselves as being the same age as the child.

“What characterises grooming cases is that they begin as completely innocent contacts,” Winther said. A child may experience a message from a stranger as something positive, she added.

Parents should discuss the platforms their children use, including Discord, Roblox, Fortnite, TikTok and Instagram. Children can be contacted wherever they spend time online, and contact may move from open chat environments to private forums such as Messenger, SMS and WhatsApp.

Snapchat is particularly prominent in enquiries received by SletDet, accounting for half of the platforms mentioned in those enquiries, Winther said.

Contact between an offender and a child can develop into a situation involving secrets. Parents may notice that their child is isolating themselves and prefers to be alone with their phone, limiting the parents’ direct view of what is happening.

Winther advises concerned parents to remain calm and show interest and care before resorting to control and monitoring. Parents’ concerns can affect their children, who may avoid sharing experiences because they do not want to worry them.

She stressed that her advice is general and does not concern the specific case of the 15-year-old girl who disappeared from her home and was later found in Hungary.

“It is never the child’s responsibility. It is the offender who has abused the trust shown by the child, and responsibility lies solely with the offender,” Winther said.