Former school bully urges schools to listen to perpetrators

Jeremias Jaakola, 24, says he made other pupils’ school days hell and drove one student close to suicide. In an interview published by Yle, he argues that understanding bullies is necessary to stop bullying.

Jaakola began bullying at the age of seven. At comprehensive school, he threatened to beat a pupil, threw a planer blade at a teacher, pulled a scarf from a girl with cancer and made up a mocking song about a child with a birthmark in the middle of their forehead.

He targeted anyone who appeared even slightly different. By mocking other people’s differences, Jaakola says, he diverted attention from himself and his own weaknesses.

“I took out my bad feelings on school. I should have sought help, but because of me, others had to seek it,” he says.

Jaakola describes school as a kingdom where he imagined himself to be the most popular person and “the king of the whole place”. He did not want to be the person others laughed at, but the person they laughed with.

Behind that role, he says, was a frightened and unwell child who sought safety in soft toys. Growing up in an insecure environment in eastern Helsinki, he used bullying to obtain attention he felt he lacked at home.

“I got relief from mocking people who were going through the same things as me, because I knew what it felt like,” he says.

Psychology professor Christina Salmivalli, who has studied the motives behind bullying for more than 30 years, says many bullies are either popular or have themselves been bullied.

Popular bullies are typically well-adjusted and high-status entertainers within their peer groups. Those who bully others after being bullied often struggle with low status and poor mental wellbeing. Salmivalli says both groups are commonly driven by a desire for attention and power.

“A good position is a basic human need, and it produces the pleasure of status. Some people raise their status through kindness, while others do it by creating fear,” she says.

Condemn the bullying, understand the causes

Jaakola says bullying is often discussed from the victim’s perspective but not from the bully’s.

“Bullying will not stop just by comforting and listening to the victims,” he says.

Salmivalli says attitudes towards bullies are divided. They are either viewed as bad and blameworthy people who must be punished, or as victims of their circumstances who should be relieved of all blame.

“We must absolutely condemn bullying, but at the same time try to understand the reasons behind it,” Salmivalli says.

Jaakola says excluding bullies from the discussion can allow the cycle to continue.

“The cycle only continues if bullies are bullied,” he says. “It would be great if teachers had some understanding of the bully’s mind.”

Responsibility must remain with the bully

Jaakola has apologised to many of the people he bullied. He says one person he targeted came close to taking their own life.

He believes bullying should have more serious consequences for those responsible. He also says victims should not be the ones forced to change schools and bear the consequences.

According to Salmivalli, municipalities should ensure that schools have enough staff and resources, as well as effective measures to tackle bullying. She notes that the law gives everyone the right to a safe learning environment.

Salmivalli says research shows that 96 percent of bullying cases end when adults intervene firmly and in the right way.

Jaakola says he did not understand as a child that a joke could cause trauma or even kill someone. He does not believe he will ever be able to fully forgive himself, and feels that the bully will always remain part of him.

“It has stayed in my muscle memory. I have accepted that this is me,” he says.

He is not asking for forgiveness or for his actions to be forgotten. Instead, he wants bullies to be heard so that bullying can be stopped.

“Even if I receive hatred, the most important thing is to give this issue a face,” Jaakola says.

In a documentary, Jaakola meets his father at his former school to explore why the child of a teacher became a school bully.