Finnish couples rethink automatic plus-ones on wedding invitations

Some Finnish couples are choosing not to automatically invite the partners of their guests, a decision that can cause arguments and even family rifts, Yle reports. More than 200 people responded to Yle’s online request for experiences, with most declining to give their names.

Many respondents understood the decision. Weddings are expensive, venues limit the number of guests, and each additional person can significantly increase costs. Others considered an invitation without a plus-one insulting.

“My cousin became so angry that she cut ties with me,” said Kerttu, a bride who had not realised that excluding a partner could be seen as so offensive.

Kaija, who attended a wedding without her partner, said the decision made her feel that her family had been broken apart. “My siblings’ partners have been part of our family for decades,” she said.

Julia Lintunen, 31, and Wäinö Vaitomaa, 30, from Helsinki are due to marry in September. They are planning a wedding reception for about 80 guests and have carefully considered who should be invited with a partner.

“You have to be careful not to unintentionally offend anyone,” Lintunen said.

The couple used a set of questions to help draw up the guest list. One consideration was whether they had been in contact with a potential guest recently and whether it would feel natural to send that person a message asking how they were doing.

Lintunen also used an Excel spreadsheet to calculate how changes to the guest list would affect the budget. Each guest adds about 60 euros in catering costs, as well as indirect expenses such as the need for more space, whether or not the person ultimately attends, she said.

Some respondents said being left off the invitation had been a relief, particularly when the event was their partner’s colleague’s wedding. Others saw the decision as tasteless and offensive.

For some, relationship status determined who should be invited. Married partners should be included, they said, while unmarried partners need not be. One respondent described an invitation without a plus-one as a message that the relationship was not accepted.

Some respondents also said excluding a partner had caused jealousy. Others felt that people should maintain separate friendship groups and that guests should primarily be treated as individuals rather than as couples.

For Lintunen and Vaitomaa, the decision was clear for most of their guests. Lintunen said she has a group of friends who usually spend time together without their partners, making it natural to invite them alone. Vaitomaa, meanwhile, has a group of friends with whom the couple often socialise, so their partners were included.

The couple tried to apply the same principles to each friendship group. Drawing up the list was still difficult, Vaitomaa said, because they did not want to treat their friends like pieces in a construction game.